Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
