Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
