At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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