How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
