I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
