Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
