I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
