Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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