Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize