i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
