don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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