Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
