Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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