So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
