Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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