So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
