it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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