Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
