I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
