Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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