we're chasing vodka with high fives
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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