Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
