Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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