The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
