I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
two words...techno handjob
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize