he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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