guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
