I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
