I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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