Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
