What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
