i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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