i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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