My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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