first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
