is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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