i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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