What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
