Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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