i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
