She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
