Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize