He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
