I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
