; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
