did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
