I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize