If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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