Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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