My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
