Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
