My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize