what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
