it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
