I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
