If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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