3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
