I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
