But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
