she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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