OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
