Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you would pick up someone in the library
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
