Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
