I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
