Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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