we're blogging at a bar
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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