Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
