nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
