Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
