we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize