my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
