OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You work out of a Hotel?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
