Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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