I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize