im six kinds of drunk right now
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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