Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
