Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
