Screwed.edu
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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