I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
