yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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