would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
