the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just high enough for therapy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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