Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
