we're chasing vodka with high fives
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
