Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
