no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
