look no pants
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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