hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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