A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
accomplished twins. life is a go
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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