"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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