No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
