is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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