Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
