So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
