Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
