Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
