Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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