tonight lets celebrate not being married
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
