Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
