We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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