No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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