FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
