well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize