walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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