So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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