the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
