I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
