those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
