Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
